CURIOUS TIMES

SCIENCE + INSANITY = HUMOR

Regular readers of this column will recognize some of these whacked-out scientific research papers mentioned in past columns, but since they were so thoughtfully compiled in an article called "The 10 Most Bizarre Scientific Papers," it gives me a chance to revisit these bits of classic weird science. Check out Oddee.com for the stories behind these bizarre titles: "The Effect of Country Music on Suicide;" "Love and Sex with Robots;" "Chickens Prefer Beautiful Humans;" "Safe and Painless Manipulation of Penile Zipper Entrapment;" "Pressures Produced When Penguins Poo-Calculations on Avian Defecation;" "Ultrasonic Velocity in Cheddar Cheese as Affected by Temperature;" "Impact of Wet Underwear on Thermoregulatory Responses" and "Thermal Comfort in the Cold."

GARBAGE, GARBAGE EVERYWHERE

Oceanographers are claiming that there is a heap of garbage twice the size of Texas floating in the Pacific Ocean between San Francisco and Hawaii. Dubbed the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, the heap of debris is said to weigh around 3.5 million tons and consists of about 80 percent plastic garbage. Supposedly most of the non-biodegradable trash that ends up in the oceans is sucked into this area by a combination of wind and waves, making the trash heap grow with each passing year. Even worse, there is nothing we can do to remove the trash as no single country will take responsibility for it and the cleanup would take an international effort which would cost billions of dollars. So stop throwing your plastic crap in the ocean, OK? (SF Gate)

GLOBAL WETTING

Even though sea levels have only risen 19.5 centimeters since 1870 (that's about 1.44 millimeters per year), climate researchers have created a list of mega-cities that might be highly vulnerable to flooding thanks to global warming by the year 2015. So if you live in any of the following cities, you might want to consider moving uphill a few centimeters within the next eight years: Dhaka, Buenos Aires, Rio de Janeiro, Shanghai, Tianjin, Alexandria, Mumbai, Kolkata, Jakarta, Tokyo, Osaka-Kobe, Lagos, Karachi, Bangkok, Thailand, New York and Los Angeles. (Associated Press)

NOT COOL

You can now order the world's first global warming coffee mug. A map of the world adorns the outside of this mug, which is cool, but when you fill it up with a hot drink, the low-lying land masses on the map begin to disappear as the ice caps melt and the ocean spreads across the coast lines. Get yours from Firebox.com.

CURIOUS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

As seen in Scotland's Daily Record last week: "Nun Murdered by Ninja Warrior."

MORE CRAP FOR SALE

According to a group called Consumers International, the single worst consumer product in the world is Rozerem, a sleeping pill marketed for children. The drug's manufacturer, Takeda Pharmaceuticals, was awarded the honor after airing television commercials in the United States featuring groggy children returning to school with the suggestion that Rozerem could help your child with his or her sleeplessness. The group also wagged its finger at CocaCola for using regular tap water for its Dasani brand of bottled water, and Mattel for selling over 19 million products that had to be recalled in the past year. (AFP)

BREAK OUT THE RUM AND EGGNOG A LITTLE EARLIER THIS YEAR

OK, before you start hanging up those Christmas decorations, don't forget to celebrate these special days: according to unreliable sources Nov. 15 is Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day; Nov. 19 is Have A Bad Day Day; Nov. 22 is Start Your Own Country Day and Nov. 30 is Stay At Home Because You're Well Day.

NO CURE FOR PARANOID DELUSIONS

If you're being harassed by God, Satan, aliens, zombies, Bigfoot, or death, a mere five bucks will get a restraining order against any of the above-mentioned evils at ParanormalRestrainingOrders.com.

INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK

All the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666.

More bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.